the xlog : x-rated weblog

How about making love to some cellphone-sounding music coming from your condom-covered cock?

Korrespondent magazine reports that a Ukrainian scientist has invented a new [tag]condom[/tag] with a miniature loudspeaker and motion sensor implanted in the condom’s upper cuff. The volume of the music varies with the intensity of the sex, and the tones change depending on the postions of the partners. Testing so far has shown no danger of electric shock to users of the device.

We don’t know when the Ukrainian condom will be on the market, but you can find a few other musical condoms by clicking the image of the little pig.

The things that come out when celebs are suing each other. This week Liza Minnelli’s estranged husband, David Gest, had his ten million dollar civil suit against her thrown out of court. He was claiming that in her drunken rages, Liza used to beat him up so badly that not only was he hospitalized but that he’s been having “severe, unrelenting” headaches ever since. The suit was held to have no merit when Gest’s own medical expert testified that it was a strain of herpes that was causing the headaches. Oh well, David, you may not be able to catch a break but at least you know where you can catch a beating.

A police sting in Syracuse, NY went weird when the [tag]prostitute[/tag] asked the john if he was a cop and he said no. At that point, she said, “that’s okay, because I am,” pulled out her handcuffs and said “move in” into her two-way radio. Now this might sound pretty standard at this point, but you see, the john really was a cop, and the prostitute, well, she may not have been a prostitute but she also was no cop.

So when the actual sting team moved in, it was the woman who was arrested, along with her female partner who’d been waiting in a car in an alley nearby. The fake prostitute was charged with first-degree criminal impersonation, prostitution (since she’d offered sex) and fifth-degree conspiracy. Her partner was charged with fifth-degree conspiracy and possession of a hypodermic needle.

In a city where barely-dressed prostitutes display themselves in storefront windows, the latest twist is having sex in a car fitted with a bed and set up on poles thirteen feet off the ground. Why, you might ask? Well, evidently because it’s there.

Well, at least it’s there now, since Italian artist Federico D’Orazio pulled the seats out of an Opel Kadett hatchback, put in a double bed, and placed the whole thing on four thirteen foot tall poles. If you’d like to spend a night there, you’ll need to write to the artist and tell him why you want to do it. Couples have written with requests to use the car to propose marriage but also just to engage in some mid-life memories of hot teen ‘parking’ lust. Which the artist says is perfectly safe to do since the structure was designed to be safe during sex. There is a six month waiting list.

A teacher inadvertently used an [tag]x-rated[/tag] font for the cover of a third-grade spelling curriculum handed out to parents during an open house at the Pine Tree Elementary School in New York. Evidently the teacher thought that a font which used stick figures to form the letters of the alphabet would be a nice touch, but never looked closely enough to notice exactly how those stick figures were touching each other. In this case, the font uses male and female stick figures in various [tag]kinky[/tag] sexual positions to make the shapes of the letters.

We don’t have a copy of the handout that got the parents all worked up, but below are links to a few animated stick figures you may enjoy.

Naughty Schoolgirl ~ Albino Passion ~ A good Whipping ~ Harley Sex ~ Pornography Enjoyer ~ Help the Handicapped ~ Hamster Dance

[tag]Stick Figure Porn[/tag] courtesy of The Petting Zoo

“I’m a Cow! (not a sheep!)” was created as a music video for the band Rmt, and the video tells the story of a nervous cow and her milk-fetishist owner. This is a very funny Flash animation. Make sure you have your speakers turned on, so you don’t miss the catchy tune and lyrics like: “get your mind out the gutter…get your hand off my udder” and “this old man he’s on crack…he’s a lactophiliac.”

Click the image to watch the Lactophiliac Farmer in a new window (resize the window to full-screen animation if you want). Give the animation a minute to load fully and then click the Play link when it appears. [tags]lactophiliac,music video,fetishist[/tags]

The Seoul Sex Education Expo had heavily advertised the hot foreign women in steamy underwear, [tag]striptease[/tag] acts and sex seminars. But unfortunately, attendees had to settle for sex toys, lotions and audiovisual material.

Oh, the hot foreign models were ready to come perform at the show. No problem there at all. But the Korean immigration officials warned them that they’d be deported if they performed without performance visas. Usually they’d just have flown in on tourist visas, but that wasn’t good enough for the civic groups who pressured the Korean authorities to act like assholes and keep the models out of the country.