the xlog : x-rated weblog

Yesterday the World Strip Poker Championship began at the Cafe Royal in central London, with around 200 seated to play “No Limit Texas Hold ’em.” Irish bookmaker Paddy Power organized the event following up on an April Fool’s spoof that generated tremendous interest in actually holding the event. Both male and female players, and from 12 different countries, are competing to keep their clothes on and walk away with the 10,000 pound prize, a Gold Fig Leaf trophy and the title of World [tag]Strip Poker[/tag] Champion. The winner also gets free entry into the 2007 Paddy Power Irish Poker Open, which will have prizes of over one million pounds.

If you weren’t there this weekend (like me), you missed out on Hong Kong’s latest film festival. And this one might have been worth going to. No kung-fu movies this time, this was all ‘me-fuck-you’ films.

Actually that’s not completely true. But the festival was all films about prostitutes, told by the [tag]prostitutes[/tag] themselves. Evidently the idea is to combat some of the stereotypes found in mainstream movies. Not all prostitutes are victims or predators, and the nine films shown during the festival were chosen for their portrayals of the day-to-day lives of some of these [tag]sex workers[/tag].

An ironic twist is that while prostitution is not illegal in Hong Kong, it was illegal to hold this festival without proper licensing, which was demanded with a few days notice and which could easily have been denied to them.

The good news is that the organizers were smart enough to get around the permit requirement at the last minute by making it a private, members-only activity. Ticket buyers just had to join Zi Teng, the local sex workers support group.

Nice, you leave with a ticket stub, a program guide, AND membership in a Hong Kong Sex Workers group. See, I told you this one might have been worth going to.

I see my buddy Walrus found a video about Porn Flakes – The Breakfast with a Boner that he has on his blog now. It reminded me of our Perverted Breakfast Cereal Boxes post back in June, so I’m mentioning it here for everyone who agrees that it’s the most important meal of the day.

Bonus – he’s recently redesigned his blog, so if you go watch the video, check out the rest of the blog while you’re there.

Personally, I’ve never been a believer that any of the “get a bigger cock” stuff really works. I never really looked closely at any of the products either, but last week’s story about the [tag]ExtenZe[/tag] herbal penile enlargement pills surprised me anyway.

ExtenZe was made popular by porn star [tag]Ron Jeremy[/tag] (aka “the Hedgehog”) on infomercials, in which he brought a parade of colleagues from the world of adult to hawk the pills. “Who better to talk about sexual things and other fun stuff than them,” Jeremy said of some of the guests, which included porn stars Ruby and Scott Styles.

Well, last week’s story says that not only is ExtenZe having to change their advertising and pay a $300K fine, they’re also changing their formula to reduce higher-than-permitted levels of lead.

Yeah, you read that right. They have fucking lead in those pills! Seriously, these folks must have thought that the old saying “put some lead in your pencil” was all the formula they needed to produce a pill that would make your dick bigger and harder.

Hey Ron…get the fuck away from my dick with that poisonous toxic fucking metal.

Prosecutors say that more than 600 complaints were filed against the company nationwide with the Better Business Bureau. Typical problems include automatic charging of credit cards for unwanted shipments and problems getting refunds.

Hey ExtenZe… get the fuck away from my credit cards with your scammy, money-grubbing hands.

(Note: I know that Ron was just a hired spokesperson, but how many chances do you get to tell a world famous pornstar to get the fuck away from your dick?)

I like [tag]Little Johnny stories[/tag], how about you? Here’s one that got me laughing this morning so I thought I’d pass is along. I hope you like it too:

Little Johnny is walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He comes up to the doorstep of the local whorehouse and knocks on the door. When the Madam comes to answer it, she sees Little Johnny and asks what he wants. He says he wants to have sex with one of the women inside, has the money to pay for it, and isn’t leaving until he gets it.

The Madam figures why not, so she tells him to come in. Once he gets in, she tells him to pick any of the girls he likes. He asks her if any of the girls have any diseases, and of course the Madam says no. But Little Johnny says he’s heard all the men talking about having to go to the hospital and get shots after fucking Mable, and THAT was the girl he wanted.

Since Little Johnny is so adamant and has the money to pay for it, the Madam tells him to go upstairs and go to the first room on the right. So he heads down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him.

Ten minutes later he comes back down, still dragging the frog, pays the Madam, and heads for the door, at which time the Madam stops him and asks him why he picked the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others.

Little Johnny replied: “Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. When they leave, I’m going to have sex with my [tag]baby-sitter[/tag], who always does that when she watches me, and then she’ll get the disease that I just caught.

When mom and dad get back, dad will take the baby-sitter home, and on the way, he’ll jump the baby-sitter’s bones like he always does, and he’ll catch the disease.

Then when dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and mom will go to bed and they’ll have sex as usual, and mom will catch it.

In the morning when dad goes to work, the milkman will deliver the milk, and he’ll have a quickie with mom, and he’ll catch it, and HE’S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!

—
(The moral is in the title: Don’t fuck with Little Johnny.)

Sometimes that [tag]nudist[/tag] stuff can come back to bite ya…and right in the balls at times! It seems that Mario Visnjic went swimming naked at Valalta beach and then sat in the sun on a deckchair with wooden slats. If you know about “shrinkage” you may be able to guess what happened next. For those who never watched Seinfeld, poor Mario’s balls shrunk from the cool sea water and they slipped between the wooden slats of the chair. Then the sun warmed him up and his [tag]testicles[/tag] grew back to their usual size.

It must have been funny to hear the guy call beach maintenance services on his cellphone. But it would have been hillarious to watch the guy they sent out cut the deck chair in half to get Mario’s balls free. I really wish we had at least a picture, if not a video, to go with this one.

“Hey… careful with that power saw!”

How surprised are you to hear that this was done by someone who was drunk at the time? Witnesses say that the man who cut off his own penis was “strongly under the influence of alcohol.”

This idiot brought his dick to the hospital in a plastic bag, and in a three-and-a-half hour operation, had his organ stitched back on.

Doctors say that it will take four or five days to assess if the operation was successful, and then it would take about half a year to be sure that the man’s penis was functioning properly.

I’m hoping the Darwin effect takes over and this moron is never able to reproduce and pass his fucking stupidity into the gene pool.