the xlog : x-rated weblog

I have to admit I was very pleased to hear about this one. Maybe it’s just me, but I think that anyone who’s willing to point his own gun at his own balls deserves to have at least one of them blown off. And that’s exactly what happened in Kansas this week.

A 23 year-old man, along with his 20 and 18 year-old helpers, attempted to kidnap a teenager over a dispute about stereo speakers. The oldest assailant first fired a shot at the teen, and missed. Then he shoved his pistol into the waistband of his trousers, safety off, causing it to fire and shoot him in his left testicle.

It gets a little better. Seems that getting shot in the ball caused the man to wince and jerk around a bit. The good new is that this caused the pistol to fire again. Unfortunately the second shot missed his other testicle, but at least it hit his left calf.

The three men were arrested and charged with aggravated attempted kidnapping and conspiracy to obstruct justice, when the moron limped into the local hospital seeking help for his missing testicle.

While everyone is talking about the homemade sex tape allegedly featuring Britney Spears that has been leaked onto the internet, we’re bringing you more than just the story and a peek at the 19-second clip that was posted a few days ago.

As you’ve probably heard, Kevin Federline is threatening to sell a four-hour sex tape, which the couple made on their honeymoon, to a company in Arizona for $50 million in a last ditch attempt to get every penny he can from Britney Spears. But Federline is willing to sell the tape to Spears for $30 million and full custody of the couple’s two children.

The 19-second clip below is the one posted as reportedly taken from the infamous Britney-Kevin sex tape, news of which first broke in 2005 after members of the couple’s entourage threatened to make it public. The clip shows a woman with dark hair, who bears a striking resemblance to the ‘Toxic’ singer, performing oral sex on a man rumoured to be her estranged husband Kevin Federline.

A spokesman for the website where the clip was posted said: “This does look like Britney Spears. I had my co-worker look at this also, and she thinks it looks like Britney too.” Check it out and then read on for the rest of the story…

Well, that was short and sweet. But now it’s time for clip #2. (click to read more…)

A Thai zoo, which has hosted a couple of pandas for four years, will play [tag]porn[/tag] videos for the male next month to encourage them to breed in captivity. “They don’t know how to mate so we need to show the male how, through videos,” said panda project chief Prasertsak Buntrakoonpoontawee.

Prasertsak said Chuang Chuang, the six-year-old male, would be shown the videos on a large screen when he might be feeling amorous. “We’ll play the video at the most comfortable and intimate time for him, perhaps after dinner,” he said, in hopes that Chuang Chuang would then use the techniques on Lin Hui, a five-year-old female.

A court has upheld a Las Vegas city regulation barring erotic dancers from raunchy physical contact with their customers, in a ruling that runs counter to the gambling city’s sinful reputation.

Nevada’s Supreme Court on Thursday reversed two lower court rulings that found the regulation improperly curtailed “expressive conduct” protected by the U.S. Constitution’s First Amendment.

The high court judges said that even if the constitutional amendment did apply, its protection was not absolute, and added the city measure helps curtail prostitution, sexually transmitted disease, drug offenses and criminal activity.

The city rule bars dancers from physical contact of a sexual nature with customers. The decision echoes a ruling by the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals last year that backed a California city’s regulation requiring at least two feet (0.7 metre) distance between erotic dancers and the audience.

– Good news in the Pacific Northwest though, as voters in Seattle took a different view this week, rejecting a measure on Tuesday that would require erotic dancers to stay at least four feet from patrons.

Dancing and singing [tag]eunuchs[/tag] are knocking on doors in an Indian city in an attempt to embarrass merchants into paying their taxes. And the new shock strategy, in which sari-clad and heavily made up eunuchs accompany officials on their rounds of crowded shopping areas in a country notorious for tax evasion and non-payment, has been declared a success.

The boisterous eunuchs loudly demand that mortified shopkeepers pay up — to the bemusement of scores of onlookers. Those unwilling to pay faced lewd dances, lifted saris, and abuse. “Some paid in cash, while others quickly wrote checks. The shock therapy, which we plan to use sparingly, was a grand success,” said Atul Prasad, a top official in the area where the tactic is being used.

“People may be afraid of them, but they are very much part of society and are useful,” Prasad said, adding that authorities would pay the eunuchs a four percent commission on the total tax collected.

Eunuchs are still common in India, where they live in closed-knit communities. Some are castrated men but others are [tag]transsexuals[/tag] and [tag]hermaphrodites[/tag] who have been ostracized by their families. Also known as hijras, they are widely feared and move around towns and cities in groups and demand money on occasions such as marriage or the birth of a child. They are believed to have occult powers.

That’s the message from a leading female lawmaker in the Netherlands who’s asking the government to send Dutch prostitutes abroad for deployment with Dutch troops to help the soldiers relax.

Annemarie Jorritsma, a member for the center-right People’s Party for Freedom and Democracy and the mayor of the town of Almere in the Netherlands, went on national TV to campaign for the “extra benefits” for the Dutch troops.

She said, “The army must think about how their soldiers can let off some steam.”

Her proposal immediately drew support from the Dutch sex workers union.

But the Vokskrant newspaper quotes an unidentified military spokesman as expressing reservations over the proposal.

He told the newspaper, “I don’t think my wife would like the idea very much.”

There are currently around 2,000 Dutch soldiers stationed outside of the Netherlands, majority of them deployed either in Afghanistan and Bosnia.

Porn star Mary Carey has dropped out of the California governor’s race to be with her injured mother, who has been hospitalized in Florida since jumping off a four-story building last month.

Carey, who starred in adult films such as “Boobsville Sorority Girls,” “Cheerleader School” and others, gained worldwide fame with her campaign against Arnold Schwarzenegger in 2003. She was running as a write-in candidate in 2006 because she could not collect enough signatures to be on the November ballot, but the porn star said she has not abandoned her political ambitions.

Loretta Nall, the Libertarian Party’s write-in candidate for governor of Alabama, is campaigning on her cleavage and hoping that voters will eventually focus on her platform. “It started out as a joke, but it blew up into something huge,” said Nall, a 32-year-old with dyed blond hair.

Her campaign is offering T-shirts and marijuana stash boxes adorned with a photo of her with a plunging neckline and the words: “More of these boobs.” Below that are pictures of other candidates for governor — including Republican incumbent Bob Riley and Democratic Lt. Gov. Lucy Baxley — and the words: “And less of these boobs.”

Her Web site has a cartoon of someone stuffing bills down the front of her low-cut top. And for $50 donation she apparently offers to show a cartoon of herself flashing her breasts.