the xlog : x-rated weblog

Personally, I’ve never been a believer that any of the “get a bigger cock” stuff really works. I never really looked closely at any of the products either, but last week’s story about the [tag]ExtenZe[/tag] herbal penile enlargement pills surprised me anyway.

ExtenZe was made popular by porn star [tag]Ron Jeremy[/tag] (aka “the Hedgehog”) on infomercials, in which he brought a parade of colleagues from the world of adult to hawk the pills. “Who better to talk about sexual things and other fun stuff than them,” Jeremy said of some of the guests, which included porn stars Ruby and Scott Styles.

Well, last week’s story says that not only is ExtenZe having to change their advertising and pay a $300K fine, they’re also changing their formula to reduce higher-than-permitted levels of lead.

Yeah, you read that right. They have fucking lead in those pills! Seriously, these folks must have thought that the old saying “put some lead in your pencil” was all the formula they needed to produce a pill that would make your dick bigger and harder.

Hey Ron…get the fuck away from my dick with that poisonous toxic fucking metal.

Prosecutors say that more than 600 complaints were filed against the company nationwide with the Better Business Bureau. Typical problems include automatic charging of credit cards for unwanted shipments and problems getting refunds.

Hey ExtenZe… get the fuck away from my credit cards with your scammy, money-grubbing hands.

(Note: I know that Ron was just a hired spokesperson, but how many chances do you get to tell a world famous pornstar to get the fuck away from your dick?)

The photo to the right shows Melissa Midwest, the popular Internet star, holding her citation for [tag]public nudity[/tag]. Last week she was sentenced to six months probation and 50 hours of community service for her conviction on that charge. She was facing up to eight months in jail or a $500 fine. (click photo to see larger version)

Melissa got her public nudity citation after hosting a wet T-shirt contest at Cheerleaders bar. While public nudity is illegal in her hometown of Lincoln, NE, Melissa claims she was wearing opaque pink latex paint over her nipples, creating a de facto ‘pastie’ in accordance with the law, which requires that the areola and nipple be covered.

This is only Melissa’s her latest run in with law enforcement. Her first trouble was three years ago when she posted topless photos of herself on her website. Authorities charged her with the same offense — [tag]public indecency[/tag]. The case got attention from CNN, USA Today and NBC’s “Tonight Show.”

In this latest case, the police officers didn’t agree about the pink latex paint and charged Melissa with violating the city’s public decency ordinance at her home the next day. According to Melissa, because she’s well known, the local police follow her to events and station undercover officers inside to spot any decency violations.

A camera crew filmed the event for the Melissa Midwest website, so the tape can be used to appeal based on it showing that her nipples were obscured. It was even reported that a police officer at the event said, “Her nipple looks covered to me.”

(click to read more…)

Sometimes that [tag]nudist[/tag] stuff can come back to bite ya…and right in the balls at times! It seems that Mario Visnjic went swimming naked at Valalta beach and then sat in the sun on a deckchair with wooden slats. If you know about “shrinkage” you may be able to guess what happened next. For those who never watched Seinfeld, poor Mario’s balls shrunk from the cool sea water and they slipped between the wooden slats of the chair. Then the sun warmed him up and his [tag]testicles[/tag] grew back to their usual size.

It must have been funny to hear the guy call beach maintenance services on his cellphone. But it would have been hillarious to watch the guy they sent out cut the deck chair in half to get Mario’s balls free. I really wish we had at least a picture, if not a video, to go with this one.

“Hey… careful with that power saw!”

Mantra Entertainment owner Joe Francis, who operates the Girls Gone Wild franchise, won a victory in a Florida court after a judge decided that hundreds of hours of videotape seized by deputies in a 2003 search of Francis’ Miami condominium cannot be used against him.

Circuit Judge Dedee Costello granted a defense motion to suppress all evidence gathered during the search after two girls claimed that Francis shot footage of them during spring break in Florida when they were only 17 years old for the “Girls Gone Wild” video and DVD series. Costello reportedly tossed the videotape evidence from the case because it was not specified in the search warrant when police raided Francis’ home. More than 700 items were taken from Francis’ residence – an untold amount of which were videotapes that are no longer of use to the prosecution and could significantly weaken the case against him.

Francis also faces charges of racketeering related to prostitution and possession of illegal substances. If convicted, he could face prison time. Lead attorney Steve Meadows told the Panama City News Herald that the prosecution would have to wait until the order from Costello was finalized before they could assess how to proceed with the case. Francis’ defense attorney claims the search and seizure of his property “was part of a pre-planned contrived effort on the part of law enforcement” to put Francis out of business. The case is set for trial this year.

Since founding the “Girls Gone Wild” video and brand name, Francis has faced several other allegations of filming underage girls in his videos. Many of Francis’ critics have charged that the producer and his employees deliberately try and film underage girls, although Francis has repeatedly countered that very often the girls lie about their ages in order to get on camera.

How surprised are you to hear that this was done by someone who was drunk at the time? Witnesses say that the man who cut off his own penis was “strongly under the influence of alcohol.”

This idiot brought his dick to the hospital in a plastic bag, and in a three-and-a-half hour operation, had his organ stitched back on.

Doctors say that it will take four or five days to assess if the operation was successful, and then it would take about half a year to be sure that the man’s penis was functioning properly.

I’m hoping the Darwin effect takes over and this moron is never able to reproduce and pass his fucking stupidity into the gene pool.

STOCKHOLM – In what could signal a turnaround in an otherwise sexually liberal country, a group of feminist have succeeded in convincing the Swedish military to ban porn from its bases. Disputing the claim that [tag]pornography[/tag] is neither harmful nor degrading to women, the feminist organization also convinced the military to bar government officials from staying in hotels that provide in-room porn programming. Read more at Feminists Play Role in Swedish Military’s Porn Ban

KLOVE, a Christian format radio group, probably didn’t expect its Fresno-area station KFYE to become synonymous with porn when the company sold the radio station last month. But that’s precisely what happened, with new owner Jerry Clifton electing to program what he calls “porn radio” in favor of the previous religious format that area listeners had become accustomed to. KFYE has been playing songs on a continuous one-hour loop without commercials since the week-old change in format. While Clifton has not said whether he will switch to a more traditional format, the station continues to bill itself as “all sex radio, all the time.” The station plays songs with suggestive titles such as “Why Don’t We Do It in the Road” by the Beatles, “Sexual Healing” by Marvin Gaye and “Nasty” by Janet Jackson. Songs without provocative titles or lyrics are supplemented with added moans and groans.